TAMPA, FL (January 3, 2012)- With a two week layoff between JFR events, the absence led to off track fireworks between drivers, and more time to spend opening their mouths. Haulers pulled into Florida for New Year’s weekend on Saturday afternoon in time to hit the clubs for New Year’s Eve night. DTR2’s biggest drunk as voted among his peers, squirrel, was in attendance at the clubs, but that didn’t last long as African American bouncers got sick of his drunken azz and beat the ship out of him and no one has seen Squirrel since.
Many members of Team BLS were at the club causing all sorts of commotion about the JFR schedule and the track selections. BLS_42 needed to be restrained and was kicked out of the club before the New Year was upon us. He was also banned from the state of Florida, so BW headed back home for Michigan to get his USMTS modified tuned up for the XCR modified Superspeedway schedule which features 57 draft tracks.
Rainman also had choice words to say about a2d and how he is so overrated and how he doesn’t get the hype about a2d, which boiled over to an on track accident and a few words after the race. Also, since we were somewhat close to Miami, Jason made a run down there for a shipment of drugs coming from Cuba.
VLR Shock also made a bold prediction at the club, guaranteeing a feature win for himself in tonight’s feature event, and a qualifying time way faster than anyone else’s. Many drivers wrote his big talk off as drunken stupidity.
Twenty cars took a qualifying lap, and three others joined in on action later in the event, meaning 23 cars made the trek down to Florida for the JFR Winternationals. Actually, many others came down also, but never recovered in time after a wild New Years night.
Shock may not have been as stupid as everyone thought as he took top honors in qualifying with a lap of 11.77. BLS_Flyer was 2nd with a lap of 11.80. A2d took 3rd, Wheel was 4th, and JFR_Jim took home the 5th fastest lap. It appears Shock has been taking notes of Jason’s approach to qualifying, and placed big wings on the side of his car, but officials are still looking at video determining if these wings were attached to the car. Video from the race appeared to show a wing painted red and white to match the colors of the wall at East Bay in what looks to be an attempt to conceal Shock's cheating ways.
Heat race one saw VLR teammates and co-point leaders Shock and Wheel take 1st and 2nd respectively after some beating and banging. Heat two had an exciting race where Jim fended off attacks from Flyer and DB. Heat 3 witnessed A2d earn a top 3 starting position in A main, and Jsn pull off a 2nd place finish.
Bmain one on the night had the Wisconsin driver Gates, and “the god” Rainman take transfer positions. B main two had Deadbolt take the win, with SB in 2nd. For being hands down the best driver in dtr2, it was odd to see WFO_Rainman in a b main, barely transferring after taking advantage of Doit 11 offering him his finishing spot because Doit 11 felt sorry for him.
A notable racer that failed to make the feature was Faschek. Faschek has had a terrible string of races the past few months and finally decided to hang up the helmet, and call it a career, for now anyway. 4H was fed up with being wrecked constantly and decided to take up Farmville on Facebook full time instead of dtr2.
"This shit has O-Fcking-Ficially got old. I am done racing. You will never see me again, dammit, at least not until the next race!" Faschek said while prancing to his hauler after the B Main. "Why does Jesus hate me. Why Jesus, why oh why do you hate me?!" yelled Faschek while pointing at himself.
The Feature starting grid was now set with the front row consisting of Shock on the pole, and Jim on the outside pole. Jim took the preferred line on the outside as an advantage and led the first eight laps of the 45 lap adventure. Shock and Wheel passed Jim and slipped away from the rest of the field. Shock and Wheel bumped, doored, and smeared each other for many laps on end while action in back was heating up.
Flyer had moved past Jim for third with A2d and Rain vying for position behind Jim. Jim slid back behind them two, but gained one back when Rain shoved A2d out of the way for fourth.
While the mid-pack racing was intense, so was the battle up front between the point leaders. Wheel slipped by Shock and started pulling away while Shock was starting to feel like a fool behind the wheel of his illegal Nos Energy drink Kia after he guaranteed a win tonight. But Shock had that golden horse shoe stuck up his butthole, which meant something very rare happened, a major f^k up from Wheel. Shock obviously made a deal with the devil or a deal with Jason's wing supplier to be the luckiest man alive.
The backstretch opening ate up Wheel with just eight laps to go while he was pulling away, thus giving the lead back to Shock. Flyer took advantage of a rare mishap from the Aaron Rodgers protégé, and took over 2nd spot but worked his tail off to keep that spot after numerous slide jobs between the two.
Shock took home the top prize of $5000, with Flyer beating Wheel to the line by a nose. Last row starter Rainman hit everyone except the flagman's wife on his way to a fourth place finish with JFR_Jim on his bumper for 5th place. 6th place saw Jason pull off a good run with Gates, Deadbolt, Superbolt, and A2d rounding out the field.
A disappointed Shock in victory lane after his win, “Getting the win in this feature was awesome, but I needed some help from the gate gods tonight. I guess I’m glad I Tebowed before the feature race.” Shock was mad as hell and yelled and his crew chief for not having the fastest car out here after his prerace win predictions. Shock’s crew chief, Soggy Sammy, who doesn’t have any teeth, yelled back at him which caused him to spit all over the toothless VLR_Shock posse that he brought with him down to Florida.
"I hate to win like this. Not that I give a shit that my teammate busted the wall down on the back-straightaway, I just hate to make a guarantee like that and not absolutely dominate the shit out of everybody. I can't believe I didn't win all three heats, the two b mains, and lap the field seventeen times in the A Main. Time to fire my crew chief."
Third place driver Wheelman was speechless after the race, had little to say, “Tonight proves I’m human like all of you guys, I’ll go do some makeup stuff with my fathead and I promise I will win next week at Knoxville.”
2nd place finisher Flyer said something after the race, but was hard to understand because he is black. There were no other black guys around the track to interpret what he was saying to us white people. All we could pick up sounded something like this "Uh blubablu wafawafa ibbity doo whopa blubablu chiggy chigg chigga."
After 4 races, Shock broke the tie with Wheel, and took a 4 point lead in the standings. Behind Wheel is Flyer 8 points back, and JFR teammates a2d and Jim are tied for 4th 16 points behind the leader.
Action continues next Tuesday at Knoxville 2k11, where Ice will probably make a special appearance and be the favorite to win due to his excellent resume at the famed Iowa half-mile speedway. ICE said "I hope to have sex with many goats when we head to Iowa."