Gaffney, SC (September 14, 2014)- Team VLR rolled into town for the annual Blue/Gray 60 at Cherokee Speedway. With Team AIR taking last weeks win, many wondered if this was a one time fluke. I am here to tell you that the era of Team AIR has begun. In a short time, they have become a force to be reckoned with, ranking with the upper echelon of DTR2 teams such as VLR, BLS, XCR and seem to be quickly headed to heights not seen since team SRF was in its heyday.
As the drivers took the track for qualifying, thoughts were on what time BLS_18 would take the pole with. Predictions ranged from 8.50 seconds to around 10.30. However, it was the tire master himself, AIR_RB, navigating through the treacherous turns 3 and 4 minefield of tractor tires and picking up a stunning pole award, his first at VLR in 4,227 starts. RB turned in a time of 13.035037 to take the pole. In a rare turn of events, Shock and Wheel had matching lap and TRT times. I wonder if they get their monthly periods at the same time as well. I think the answer to that question is a resounding yes. Shock was awarded the runner-up spot by supplying race officials with coupons for Popeye’s Chicken. VLR_JW and JFR_LP rounded out the top 5.
VLR_JW, VLR_Shock, and BLS_18 took the heat wins. A lot of body work was needed after the heats.
AIR_69 had this to say about his heat. “It was like riding in an elevator with Ray Rice, lots of beating and banging with nowhere to run.”
The B-mains were won by AIR_69 and DO!T_10.
With the preliminaries in the books, it was on to the Main Event. The Annual Blue/Gray 60. It was a team AIR front row with AIR_777 on the point with AIR_RB on the outside pole. At the drop of the green it was all RB as he powered around the highside to take the lead.
A hard fought battle for second ensued with Dirk, Wheel, Shock and JW. When the dust settled, Wheel was in second with Shock drafting on his tail. Meanwhile, RB had built up a nice lead while the drivers in second anxiously waited for RB to inevitably take himself out of contention by hitting one of the tires on the inside of turn 3. Wheel and Shock were closing fast when the VLR_49 machine blew up on the straightaway, spilling oil and feces all over the track after a midrace bout of diarrhea overcame the Indiana driver.
On the restart, it was the RB show again, with another battle for 2nd allowing him to open up an nice lead on the field. AIR_RB kept the hammer down the rest of the way to get his first VLR A-main win and second win in a row for Team AIR. Wheel got shuffled back a little but came back to finish second. Doit_10 drove a nice race for a hard earned 3rd. Shock settled in for a fourth place finish. And Mr. Consistency, BLS_BW came in a solid 5th to keep close to Wheel on the points battle. AIR_69, AIR_777, Simon, VLR_JW and VLR_Gage completed the top 10.
Simon made his first VLR A-main since season 15, and had his best ever finish. Also congratulations to AIR_777 for making his first ever VLR feature.
The Battle for the points championship still ensues. With Wheel in command, but BW is only 11 points behind with Shock in third, 14 points behind. It only takes one bad race for Wheel to even things up. And with how VLR_Shock loves absolutely wrecking the shit out of the 18 car on a regular basis, it's only a matter of time before BLS_BW43 takes over the points lead.
With a New Yorker taking the win, the North gains bragging rights at least until next years race at the South Carolina track. After a hard fought night of racing, all the drivers held hands in a semi-circle and sang We are the World.
Next week, Team VLR heads Lawrenceburg Speedway for the Hoosier 60 for more great racing action, with some shitty slidejobs sprinkled in throughout the night.
Middletown, NY, (September 7 2014)- VLR headed into the friendly confines of Orange County Fairgrounds with expectations that it would be business as normal for the usual suspects of top tier drivers vying for the win in the mid point of the season. It was not to be, however.
After spending years driving a grader and bulldozer, setting up port-a-potties, bribing local zoning officials, building the tracks many of us enjoy, and racing weekly against the likes of Scott Bloomquist and Jimmy Owens in his offline series, AIR_69 goes on to win his first ever Team VLR sanctioned race in a stunning upset.
The night started off normal, with BLS_18 taking a closely contested pole award. Ho hum, no surprise there at all. It was BLS_18's 62,328th pole at VLR, and his first since the last race. First through sixth in qualifying were only separated by .017544 seconds. AIR_RB, VLR_0, JFR_LP and BLS_Jmac rounded out the top 5.
Heats were won by BLS_18 and Doit 10. With BLS_J-Mac taking a wild B-main win. Some drivers thought they were going to punch their ticket to the DTR2 Hall of Fame on the first lap, but luckily cooler heads prevailed.
Once the dust settled, Team VLR was, with the exception of JFR_LP, left with a stout field of drivers. VLR was so embarrassed that JFR_LP made the A Main that they forced him to start dead last in hopes that nobody would notice how far off the pace his car was during the race.
BLS_Jmac started on the outside pole of the A Main and took control of the early portions of the race. Many were worried because Shock vowed that if Jmac won, he would suspend all VLR operations immediately and possibly become a nudist.
AIR_69, meanwhile, was quickly moving up through the field after starting fifth. OCFS has the reputation of being a one lane track, but somebody forgot to tell Ray, as he took the lead after a good battle with Jmac on the highside. Like a midget at a urinal, AIR_69 would have to be on his toes for the rest of the race.
After starting in the back, VLR_0 and BLS_18 had worked their way up to 2nd and 3rd. Shock pressured AIR_69 and was closing in until he screwed up and let point leader BLS_18 catch him, and a battle ensued. As the laps were winding down, Ray started to get the shakes, and was waiting for an errant tree to fall down and take out his internet and all hope of winning. On lap 42 of 45, Ray's cat Miko jumped into his lap and nearly was the villain that ended Ray's first major league win.
Fortunately, Ray was able to kick the shit out of his cat and hang on for the win. Many well wishes were passed onto to Ray after the win. Even President Ronald Reagan took time from his busy schedule of counting Jelly beans and making movies with chimpanzees, to congratulate him. (Editors note: upon thorough investigation, it was determined that Ronald Reagan had indeed passed away some time ago, and in fact is not the current the President of the United States. We will update this story when we receive word on who is currently in command.)
Wheel took the second spot, with Shock coming in third, D!0 taking 4th, and BLS_BW rounding out the top 5. Jmac, LP, RB, Duster and XCR_Fly completed the running order for the A-main.
Hopefully this is just the first of many wins for Ray, and the entire AIR team.
Next week, Team VLR heads to Gaffney, SC to invade Cherokee Speedway for the annual Blue/Gray 60. Local officials have already stocked up on toilet plungers and home pregnancy kits.
By Eric Wilke
KENOSHA, WI. (August 10, 2014)- Sunday night was the first time that a Team VLR sanctioned race was held at the newly reconfigured Wilmot Raceway in "The Cheesehead State" known as Wisconsin. The tour generally tries to stay out of that area due to the unusually high number of shitty local drivers that might try to show up and wreak havoc, like SRF_Dirt. Fortunately, SRF_Dirt did not choose this night to make his inevitable crash-filled return to the game, as he was busy crashing his dirt modified into cars at Beaver Dam Speedway at the time.
VLR_JW proved in qualifying that he was still at the top of his game after missing a whole year of racing by qualifying first. JW edged out teammate VLR_Shock by .000001 seconds with an 11.82 time for both cars. BLS_18, WFO_Rainman, and AIR_RB rounded out the top 5 in qualifying. WFO_Rainman was also making his first DTR2 start in about year and vowed to return to the game prepared to dish out more rainjobs than ever before!
JW and RB finished first and second, respectably in heat 1. Shock and Eric went 1-2 in heat 2. Holy shit, wait, that can't be right. There is no way Eric would ever make an A Main at VLR. More on that story later. Dominant offline racer BMS and Ranger took the two transfers in heat 3, and Rainman and Geisler took the top spots in the fourth and final heat.
The heat races would not be finished without some drama, however. In heat race two local driver Eric41 of Wilkeville, Wisconsin was running second the whole race until the last turn of the race when ultra-fast rookie Smallz got into him. Eric made sure Smallz knew that he had just wrecked him by taking him out after the checkered and giving Smallz the old "knuckle sandwich" in the pits. The two exchanged a few choice words after the noogie sammich, but unfortunately, neither driver was hurt in the melee. Eric was given second place in the heat race just so the home crowd could see him in his first ever A Main at VLR.
The C mains were up next. AIR_22, and AIR_77 got the transfer out of the C's into the B main.
The B Main proved to be the most exciting race of the night. VLR Point Leader BLS_18 started third but crashed his way back to 8th by lap two, which is the opposite of what he normally does. There was some hard racing going on for 4th-7th until someone got into DP22 and spun him out, along with two other cars.
The race was for third spot at this point, as Wheel (BLS_18) began to close in on VLR_AMP. Wheel quickly doored the timid, shy, and cowardly Canadian to take the spot, which seemed to be a recurring theme on the night for the hometown hero 18. BLS_18 turned on his nitrous and ran down Smallz in three laps, and once again doored that son of a bitch to take the final transfer spot and barely make the A Main to the roar of the demented crowd of Wisconsin assholes. Duster took the win followed by Wheel and Smallz.
AIR_RB was on the pole of the feature because of how bad he usually finishes at VLR. Incredibly, his average finish was somehow lower than perennial last place contender, Eric41, who started on the outside pole. Smallz got to tag the rear of the A Main because B main winner, Duster had to go have sex with his wife again. The A Main went on with only two incidents. The first one was when Smallz made contact with BMS, Ranger, Rainman, and XCR_Bullet (EDITORS NOTE: Not sure the Bullet part is correct) on lap five.
The second one featured the hometown hero BLS_18. BLS_18 saw his chances to win slipping away as he was stuck in fifth spot. So he did what any true Wisconsin driver would do, and fukking smashed the gas with no regard for human life heading into turn 1 on lap 30 and ran straight through pole sitter AIR_RB to gain two spots at once after his Rainjob attempt cleared Geisler by a mile before finding the left side of RB. Unfortunately, RB passed away from the hard drivers side contact and struggled to hang on for a seventh place finish.
After the race, RB was surprisingly not all that upset about having just been killed by BLS_18, "Ah that shits gonna happen, it's a short track. BLS_18 is fast so it's ok. It sucks that I died, but that's short track racing for ya. The fans love that shit, look at how many people showed up to watch. We're gonna come back next week and give em hell and go for another win."
BLS_18 would blame the crash on Geisler, saying, "Geisler is so horrible that I completely misjudged how impossibly slow he was going into the corner that I overshot the turn by about 8 car lengths and cleaned RB's cock for him. I cleaned his cock real good." (Even though Geisler was hitting faster laps).
The last 10 laps were a barnburner, featuring Shock and JW battle for the lead. In the end, JW decided to let Shock win because of the great man love Shock provided him before the race. The two southern drivers had a nice long embrace in victory lane before a quick Victory Kiss for the cameras.
"It's always a good night to beat BLS_18, and even better when it's at his home track," said VLR_Shock in victory lane. "VLR_JW drove me really clean there for only the second time in DTR2 history and I owe him some great loving for that one."
One driver who had a disappointing night is offline racer AIR_BMS69, as he finished eighth. The New York driver is racing his first full VLR season this year after dropping down from the super competitive Lucas Oil/WoO offline late model series. However, the results have certainly not been up to his standards.
"It just sucks damn monkey balls that this time last year I was racing against the likes of Jimmy Owens, Scott Bloomquist, and Don O'Neal pretty much every night and leading the points, and then I come out here to this series racing against a bunch of no name pussies and am barely mustering top fives. I mean hell, I lapped Owens on several occasions last year and didn't think twice about it, and now these sunsabitches are out there beating me. Give me a few more weeks though and you'll be seeing this 69 car back where it belongs in victory lane, I'm tired of these mother f_cking amateurs. Bitches. Team AIR for life. Get it, you need AIR to stay alive? So that's why I said AIR for life, hahaha. Best team name ever, niggers."
Please join us next week as VLR travels to Knoxville Raceway in Knoxville, Iowa for what is sure to be more insanely awesome racing at the legendary half-mile for the VLR Knoxville Nationals.