By JFR_LP
Central City, PA (October 12, 2014) - VLR headed into the great great state of Pennsylvania yet again for the Hoosier 50 at Thunder Valley Raceway. Its been really nice the last 2 weeks, having running water, beautiful foliage, and a crowd with divergent family trees. After a month of upset winners, it was only a matter of time before Wheel or Shock would take over. With the exception of last week when an obese, out of shape, ice cream loving driver named JFR_LP stumbled his way into the winner circle, the cream will always rise to the top eventually.
Once the track gate was cleared of all of IFRT_14’s discarded beer cans, qualifying would commence. It was BLS_18 taking his 4th pole of the year, which will at least tie him for the most this season. I was going to try to count the number of career poles that Wheel has won so far, but lost interest at 8008, which spells “BOOB” on my calculator (note to younger readers, before your electronic phones and fancy stretchy underwear, we actually had to do math with paper and pencils, or an abacus if you were wealthy). BLS_BW and AIR_RB both have 2 pole awards so far.
RB continued his mastery of the qualifying format by coming in 2nd. JFR_LP, BW, and VLR_0 rounded out the top 5. Second through sixth were only separated by .000001 of a second. That's 1 quaddrillionth of a billisecond for those of you keeping track at home. It was literally that close.
With qualifying in the books it was onto the heat races. In Heat #1 it was Wheel winning in a close race over his BFF Shock. Heat #2 was won by BLS_BW43, who missed last weeks race. The Bmain was won by JFR_Duster. With only 2 heat races, everyone was hoping to get out of the track and get back home in time to watch the Eagles vs Giants game, which turned out to be an awful decision for Giant fans in attendance.
Those that left early went home to find that the Giants had been replaced by look-a-like Terminator robots, only these robots sucked at all athletic endeavors and had no understanding of football. The culprit behind this rouse was obviously Bill Belichick, the most evil man in the world, and a distant cousin of Barack Obama.
All the preliminaries were wrapped up and it was time for the main event. Tonights 10-man contest would be decided by an over the top rope elimination Battle Royal. After searching for several minutes for a wrestling ring, with no luck, it was announced that a dirt late model race would take place instead. This was a great idea as all the wrestlers in attendance happened to have dirt late models on standby in case of this exact scenario.
It was good to see an IFRT Team car in the pole position, could IFRT_Rick hang on for a 5th upset win in a row at VLR? Highly unlikely. Rick had consumed approximately 73 beers before the A Main started and it was gonna be a miracle if he made it through turn one unscathed on the opening lap. This is the shit VLR does every week to keep ratings high. Always putting the drunkest driver on the pole with impossibly good drivers like BLS_18 in the rear. Anything to sell extra tickets. XCR_94 aka Basham , was starting on the outside of the front row. Maybe his sober ass could keep the streak alive.
The first lap was a wild one. The drunken pole sitter, IFRT_Rick, lead the field to the green. Unfortunately for Rick, he was unable to make it through turn one unscatched on the very first lap! Rick set a record for the quickest any pole sitter at VLR had fallen to dead last after driving through the infield and losing control in turn 1 on the opening lap.
This paved the way for young Indiana driver Hudson O’Neal to grab the lead in his first VLR A Main, with JFR_Duster in pursuit. Duster would lead lap 2 with RB hot on his high heels. VLR_Shock had already moved from 8th to 4th at this point. Could this be 2 wins in a row for the almost defunct Team JFR? On lap 5 it was RB taking the point with Shock in tow.
Meanwhile, Wheel , from his customary last row starting spot had worked his way up to 3rd and was searching for his first win in several weeks. In a great race up front, Shock and RB traded the lead back and fourth about 10 times until Wheel caught up with them. Wheel and RB battled for several laps for the runner up spot, allowing Shock to jump ahead and grab a commanding lead.
Once he had daylight, Shock was not going to be caught. Shock went on to take his second win of VLR Season 22. Wheel finished second to continue his struggling season, and took a big blow to his average finish at VLR this season, dropping it down to 1.78. AIR_RB finished third, making 4 top 3 finishes in a row. Mr. Consistency, BLS_BW finished in a fine 4th place. And JFR_LP’s winning streak of 1 was over, but he managed a respectable 5th place finish. Duster came in 6th, tying his best finish of the year.
Hoots, making his first start of the season came in 7th, and it was good to see him back. The legendary Hudson O’Neal crashed into the 8th spot, with his best finish so far at VLR, in two attempts. Basham made his first ever VLR A-main, and came in 9th place. And IFRT_Rick came in 10th after making his first VLR A-main since Season 15, when a lot of the current drives were riding around in big wheels and picking boogers. I mean, seriously, Season 15 was way back in 1998. To put that into perspective, VLR Points Leader BLS_18 wasn't even born for another 9 years after that season. That season was won by PlayStation1racer over Karl (Now Doit 5).
Next week VLR invades the friendly confines of TBA. When Googling TBA, one of the first things that comes up is the Tennesee Bar Association. Apparently, there is a legal system there which consists of some lawyers. To pass the Bar there requires only that you watched some reruns of Law and Order and you have one nice pair of slacks and belt that is not a rope. No details on the length of TBA or the tracks banking, but what we do know is this; If it involves episodes of Law and Order, you know there's gonna be some drama! Cya this Sunday for some hell raising, law breaking, short (or long) track racing!