alright , ill tell my story of all stories
ill try to keep it interesting
i dont remember what year it was , had to have been at least 21
in any case , my friend lived in orlando florida , he went to motorcycle mechanics school down there , he was finishing his term or what ever and he wanted help moving his stuff home
so my friend steve and i went down to help him , we left erie after steve got done with work (roughly 5pm) we drove straight thru to orlando , i think we showed up around 10am or so
upon arrivng at my friend gregs house , i kicked the door instead of knocking , gregs dad answered the door (steve and i didnt know he was down there) so i was surpirised and of course the first thing i said was "so whers my beer"
so we started drinking immediately , greg got done with his school at noontime , we went and picked him and went to lunch at a bar - still drinking after being up since the day before
at lunch , steve was so tired he kept knocking over his own drinks , he got cut off at lunchtime lol
well after lunch we went back to the apartment and continued to drink by the pool , there was some mighty nice eye candy down in florida
so after relaxing , we decided to go to dinner - guess where - - - a bar , youre correct , so we drank with dinner , and in an odd coincidence , steve got cut off again for knocking over to many drinks
after dinner we returned to my friends apartment again , greg got a call from some of his school mates that were having a keg party
so of course we go to said keg party - greg drove , cuz he knew where we were headed
as the responsible drinker i am , i stationed myself next to the keg outside in the yard and made friends with anyone who wanted to touch my new best friend - Mr Keg , so i sat there and drank , for ultimately a long time , not that i was keeping track
at some point in the evening , the house arupted with noise , out came my friend greg followed by a mass of humanity extremely pissed off - to this day i dont know what greg did to make them so pissed
greg steve and i talked it over , stupidity won that conversation - steve and i stayed at the party , greg left
back to normal , im by the keg monitoring my drunkeness , steve went inside to watch the moto cross on tv and play who knows what games
well after i watched the 2nd keg get kicked i figured id go look inside the house and possibly find steve
found steve , passed out on the couch , drawn on , shaving cream , tooth paste , the whole nine yards
im not one to start a loosing fight , so i did the only thing a good friend would do - i laughed and got another beer
i set down on the couch to watch the race on tv , at this point i know its after midnight
steve woke up , fit of rage upon discovering his condition (marker and creams)
well..... thats it...... we are out of the party - due to no fault of my own
being as i like to think im smart , i tell steve we need to walk this way to get home , so we began walking
after walking for some time , steve began to question my navigational skills
i told him my cars is parked right up here around the corner , he let me go to the corner
i peered around the corner of a building , my car wasnt there
i told steve my car wasnt there - he said "no shit , your car is in erie , we drove my jeep and its at gregs"
well that was news to me
we decided we should walk back to the party and try another route home
well we couldnt find the party - i did a good job getting us lost
we stopped walking and thought about where we were and what we had seen , ahha ..... the golf course
gregs apartment was on a golf course , so we needed to find the golf course
we found a golf course , wandered the fairways and greens for a while searching for the apartment building we were supposed to be located at
well it turns out there is more than 1 golf course in florida - who knew???
so we decided thats the end of our journey for the night , lay down on the golf course and ??? whats the worst that could happen?
get woken up by cops in the morning? wouldnt mind that , they would be able to help us
so steve claimed the bench , i layed down on the cart path
.
.
.
open my eyes and im cold and wet , stand up , where the hell am i? im in the desert?
nope , i rolled along the cart path into the sand trap on the golf course
i looked up and saw a waterball (watertower) i know exactly where i am
i started walking "HOME" - hoe being the house i grew up in , in erie pa - not even the house i lived in in at that time
i started walking down streets like i knew where i was , i was walking thru peoples back yards - thats when it hit me
a sprinkler system turned on and "hit me"
im not in erie , im not in PA , im in florida , oh crap , im super lost now
well , best course of action in the middle of the night soaking wet and covered in sand - walk in the middle of the street
while walkin down the street , i saw another living soul , he was taking garbage out to the curb (odd looking back at it now , it was the middle of the night , i wonder what he was throwing out)
i asked him for help , and that i was lost - he replied "NO" and proceeded to shut his garage door
so i kept on my way , discovering my feet hurt , wet shoes full of sand arent the best for my next adventure
in florida they have some serious highways , 4 lanes in 1 direction , so when you get the whole thing its 8 lanes
i came to the highway , saw down the orad there was a walgreens , perfect - im goin to walgreens
i crossed the highway , in the middle of the night , lost covered in sand , drunk - cars go fast when they dont see you
well i made it to walgreens , the jerk must have seen me coming , i got inside and asked "do you know where the tamiami trail is?"
he said ya youre gonna wanna go back that way about 4 blocks , making me cross the highway again
i went the four blocks , walked into the gas staion and again asked "do you know where the tamiami trail is?" this guy had to be in cohoots with the jerk at walgreens , he told me 4 blocks the way i just came from - so naturally i went back 4 blocks crossing the highway again
by this point in the night i wasnt moving quite as fast , so when i walked back into walgreens , new clerks were there
and of course the new clerks didnt speak a lick of english , perfect
im in walgreens the sun is starting to rise , im thinking im lost when all of a sudden....
the largest purple woman appears , really i mean large , and her purple mumu didnt help
she asked of me "is there something going on around here?"
i replied "what are you talking about?"
she answered "you look afright , and a young man was just in here looking for the tamiami trail , and he was drawn on"
i said "ya , thats my buddy , im lost"
purple lady says "come home with me"
i decide to follow her home , she seemed decent enough - she was wearing a rosary and cross arund her neck
we got back to her place
she set me up on the porch , gave me cookie and water to pass the time and help sober me up , she began singing hymns
well this went on for a bit .... until the peace was shattered by
"who the hell are you and what are you doing on my porch" a massive black man screaming in my face
well come to find out its his house , and the pruple lady is his wifes mother
after pruple lady explained my situation the massive blackman , was oddly ok with my perdicament
they called me a cab
i got in the cab , explained im staying at an apartment building on the tamiami trail that is on a golf course , im lost and have been wandering all night
the cab took me around the corner and dropped me off - exactly where i wanted to be - yes i was around the corner
i gave the cabbie 20 bucks and stumbled up to the house
every door was locked , i knocked kicked pounded , nothing
so i walked around back and took off my sandy shirt , balled it up and layed down on the cement patio
no sooner than my head hits the ground , i get kicked in the side
its gregs dad - time to get up , get showered he says - we are goin to bike week
so that starts that day - went to bike week hung over , did get to hang out with molly hatchet at the boothill saloon tho
steve was in walgreens , and he found his way home around the corner by himself , he woke up on the golf course bench , and started walking after realizing i wasnt around
steve had swastikas and penis' drawn on his face , the typical stuff
but thats my story about goin to bike week , bike week wasnt really the highlight i had hoped it would be that weekend
oh ya , we did move greg home that weekend , and his dogs breath , well lets just say i took my shoe off and breathed in that for a long time