LAS VEGAS, NV (12/6/2011)- Fans came from all over the globe to witness the debut race at the brand new JFR Speedway for the start of JFR's second season in dtr2. 23 Drivers came from all over the United States including states such as Kentucky, Nevada, Tennessee, Mississippi, Alaska, North Carolina, New York and many other states that are not as cool as the ones we mentioned.
JFR added a new twist to the season with live qualifying. This way slow bums like Jmac wouldn’t start up front and wreck in front of the field causing all kinds of havoc. But qualifying ended up being very surprising due to fast drivers in the middle and some surprises like Superbolt up in the top 10.
The biggest surprise of them all however, was BLS_Jason. Jason was just surprised as everyone else that his slow underweight car took home the pole. "Shit man, I knew my car was about 400 pounds underweight, but I took a gamble that they wouldn't scale it after qualifying and it paid off," the Kokomo, IN. driver said after receiving his first pole in 38,711,442 stars in DTR2. But JFR officials found after the race that Jason hacked the live qualifying computers at the JFR Speedway and he has been placed on probation for actions detrimental to his slow driving. Even though Jason hacked the computers to help him out, he managed to suck so much that he missed the A Main still despite his 13.84 qualifying time.
Superbolt put in a surprising qualifying run and not surprisingly, asked a billion questions about things in which everyone already knows which caused a heated argument between him and Deadbolt during the drivers meeting. Deadbolt tried to hold it in, but Superbolt's question "What time does the race start?" finally caused the usually quiet DeadBolt to erupt in a 42 1/2 minute rant that delayed the nights events.
Heat winners included VLR_Wheel (surprise!), JFR 4H (yup, he finished a race, gj fas), and JFR*A2d. All heat winners were awarded a $25 certificate to Fatcheck’s primary sponsor, Taco Bell.
The B Mains were very exciting as BLS Flyer started tail because he stepped on his d!ck in the heat. He sliced and diced and plowed his way to a 2nd place finish, which was just good enough for a transfer to the A. The B Main winner was VLR_Shock, who was looking to wreck his way to the front of the A Main from eighth.
Jim and BLS33 transferred from the other bmain.
The A main field was set for night number one on the JFR Schedule. JFR_4h had a swagger all week thinking he was the man to beat. Faschek was the biggest beast all night in hotlaps, top 3 in qualifying, and a heat winner. Early in to the race, Faschek was involved in an incident, and later pulled off.
According to witnesses, Fas got out of his car, and punched the guy that was closest to him, which happened to be Doit 49. Doit 49 had escaped from prison and had an itch to get some spectating in. After Fas knocked him out cold, people walked by and noticed that the guy laying on the ground was Number #1 on America’s most wanted list. Cops came and arrested Tony after he woke up and he was shipped back to prison. Good job Faschek.
Amain action continued as the halfway mark approached. Wheel was leading with A2d in second. A2d made a mistake entering turn 3 which made him clip the gate and spin his car. While that happened, Flyer was making his way up front, as he spent a lot of time trying to get around the top running JFR member of the moment in Jim.
Flyer got around Jim and set his sights on 2nd place runner Shock. Fly closed in the last 25 laps on him but was unable to get to his bumper and wreck him, but he damn sure tried.
VLR Wheel triumphed to victory yet again just like his Green Bay Packers. VLR Shock was able to stay consistent and hold down the 2nd spot while Fly finished 3rd. JFR Jim put in a nice run and finished 4th, while BLS 42 rounded out the top 5 at one of his weaker style of tracks. BLS 34 finished 6th and BLS Steve-o had a surprising run in finishing 7th even after running a limited schedule lately.
JFR-17 ran very strong early in the race after starting towards the middle; he battled up to 2nd after passing dtr2’s biggest homo in Shock and A2d. JFR 17 finished 8th but showed that he will be a real threat in the near future. A2d and 4H rounded out the back of the field with dnf’s.
Wheel said in his interview with Bob Bugle, “I got lucky tonight, I wasn’t the fastest car tonight, but I’m the best dog here and I find ways to win. I’m going to go celebrate this win with my Aaron Rodger’s Fathead. We're gonna dance and make love, and it's just gonna be a helluva night. I'm fortunate to have had lots of nights like that here lately with Aaron."
2nd place finisher VLR_Shock was asked if he had anything to say about the race and he replied with “no” and just walked to his hauler after the race. Faschek ran up and punched him in the face out of nowhere because he was still mad about something totally unrelated.
3rd place finisher and track designer BLS_F1yer had this to say “This track wasn’t great tonight, but give us track prep crew some time to figure some sh!t out and we will have some of the best racing right here in JFR city. I have a large penis."
4th place finisher JFR_Jim and long-haul award winner had this to say on his night, “It was fun coming from Alaska and getting a top 5 finish, and was Tony here?”
5th place finisher BLS 42 or Mr. 3 million said, “I went around this damn track 3 million times, and the best I could do was 5th, wtf, all you damn inbreeders cheat, no way are you putting up more than 3 million laps to beat me. I haven't slept since last Wednesday from all my practicing. This is BULLSHIT."
All in all a great night at JFR Speedway. But unfortunately Wheel won and he is leading points again, which all but guarantees him a point’s championship after one race of the year. But with his undefeated Packers on a nice run, expect him to get distracted and cough up a championship to another dog.
And BTW, please keep JFR_Lastplace in your thoughts. JFR’s primary sponsor put on a free taco lunch event before the race, which was eat all you want. LP ate until he passed out and is still unconscious in the hospital. Let’s hope he wakes up soon so he can keep all the fast food restaurants in business.
Next week, JFR heads to Terre Haute 2k11 where VLR_18 will most likely win again and make sweet love to Aaron Rodgers.