TOPIC:

Best joke for 2010 so far;

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.
While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The
Devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is
Finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so
Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she
Is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so
She writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is
Finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush
Got to call the USA so cheaply.

The devil smiles and replies: "Since Obama took over, the country has
Gone to hell, so it's a local call."

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 ---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this, when the lady got on the
bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ' Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when She moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'... I just lost it.'

'CASE DISMISSED!!'

lmao thats funny

I just thought this was a funny pic.

On television today a Democratic operative pointed out that when Obama holds a rally 25-30,000 people show up, whereas when McCain holds one he only draws 10-15,000.




The Republican spokesman replied, "That's because McCain's supporters are at work."

I took my biology exam today and failed.
I was asked to name something commonly found in cells.
Apparently Blacks & Mexicans is not the right answer.

A skinny white guy goes into an elevator, he looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The black guy sees the little while guy staring at him and looks down and says, I'm 7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound testicles, and Turner Brown. The little white guy faints and falls to the floor. The black guy kneels down and brings him to by shaking him. The black guy says "What the hell is wrong with you?" In a weak little voice the little white guy says "Now what exactly did you say to me?" The black guy says "Well I seen your curious face and I figured I would give you the answers to the quesions that everyone asks me, Im 7ft tall weigh 350lbs, I have a 20 inch cock, my testicles weigh 3 lbs each, and my name is Turner Brown."

The white guy says "Turner Brown, Sweet Jesus!!! I thought you said Turn Around!!!"

lol at these

There was an old man sitting on his porch watching the rain fall. Pretty soon the water was coming over the porch and into the house.

The old man was still sitting there when a rescue boat came and the people on board said, “You can’t stay here you have to come with us.”

The old man replied, “No, God will save me.” So the boat left.

A little while later the water was up to the second floor, and another rescue boat came, and again told the old man he had to come with them.

The old man again replied, “God will save me.” So the boat left him again.

An hour later the water was up to the roof and a third rescue boat approached the old man, and tried to get him to come with them.

Again the old man refused to leave stating that, “God will save him.” So the boat left him again.

Soon after, the man drowns and goes to heaven, and when he sees God he asks him, “Why didn’t you save me?”

God replied, “You idiot, I tried. I sent three boats after you!!”

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until one day, he comes across a Harley with a "for sale" sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "Whenever the bike is outside and it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain."

And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there.

But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family before we go in."

"When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

"No problem," he says. And in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes.

In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation.

So he leans over and kisses Sandra.

No one says a word.

So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.

Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and makes love to her right there, in front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom..

"She's got a great body," he thinks.

So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, pulls down her panties, and does her every which way right there on the dinner table. After she has the big O, he sits down again.

Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, the Mom is pleasantly beaming.

But still, Total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.

Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket...

Suddenly the father shouted....

"I'll do the freaking dishes!!!"

Ya'll remind me of this guy James Gregory. Not sure if he's a "famous" comedian or just southern. If he ever comes to your area, it is soooooo worth it to go see him!

Here he is:

www.funniestman.com/videos.htm

I'm not good with jokes. I do funny pics.