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Published: Tuesday, 12 August 2014 03:21
By Eric Wilke
KENOSHA, WI. (August 10, 2014)- Sunday night was the first time that a Team VLR sanctioned race was held at the newly reconfigured Wilmot Raceway in "The Cheesehead State" known as Wisconsin. The tour generally tries to stay out of that area due to the unusually high number of shitty local drivers that might try to show up and wreak havoc, like SRF_Dirt. Fortunately, SRF_Dirt did not choose this night to make his inevitable crash-filled return to the gam, as he was busy crashing his dirt modified into cars at Beaver Dam Speedway at the time.
VLR_JW proved in qualifying that he was still at the top of his game after missing a whole year of racing by qualifying first. JW edged out teammate VLR_Shock by .000001 seconds with an 11.82 time for both cars. BLS_18, WFO_Rainman, and AIR_RB rounded out the top 5 in qualifying. WFO_Rainman was also making his first DTR2 start in about year and vowed to return to the game prepared to dish out more rainjobs than ever before!
JW and RB finished first and second, respectably in heat 1. Shock and Eric went 1-2 in heat 2. Holy shit, wait, that can't be right. There is no way Eric would ever make an A Main at VLR. More on that story later. Dominant offline racer BMS and Ranger took the two transfers in heat 3, and Rainman and Geisler took the top spots in the fourth and final heat.
The heat races would not be finished without some drama, however. In heat race two local driver Eric41 of Wilkeville, Wisconsin was running second the whole race until the last turn of the race when ultra-fast rookie Smallz got into him. Eric made sure Smallz knew that he had just wrecked him by taking him out after the checkered and giving Smallz the old "knuckle sandwich" in the pits. The two exchanged a few choice words after the noogie sammich in the pits, but unfortunately, neither driver was hurt in the melee. Eric was given second place in the heat race just so the home crowd could see him in his first ever A Main at VLR.
The C mains were up next. AIR_22, and AIR_77 got the transfer out of the C's into the B main.
The B Main proved to be the most exciting race of the night. VLR Point Leader BLS_18 started third but crashed his way back to 8th by lap two, which is the opposite of what he normally does. There was some hard racing going on for 4th-7th until someone got into DP22 and spun him out, along with two other cars.
The race was for third spot at this point, as Wheel (BLS_18) began to close in on VLR_AMP. Wheel quickly doored the timid, shy, and cowardly Canadian to take the spot, which seemed to be a recurring theme on the night for the hometown hero 18. BLS_18 turned on his nitrous and ran down Smallz in three laps and once again, doored that son of a bitch to take the final transfer spot and barely make the A Main to the roar of the demented crowd of Wisconsin cheesheads. Duster took the win followed by Wheel and Smallz.
AIR_RB was on the pole of the feature because of how bad he usually finishes at VLR. Incredibly, his average finish was somehow lower than perennial last place contender, Eric41, who started on the outside pole. Smallz got to tag the rear of the A Main because B main winner, Duster had to go have sex with his wife again. The A Main went on with only two incidents. The first one was when Smallz made contact with BMS, Ranger, Rainman, and XCR_Bullet (EDITORS NOTE: Not sure the Bullet part is correct) on lap five.
The second one featured the hometown hero BLS_18. BLS_18 saw his chances to win slipping away as he was stuck in fifth spot. So he did what any true Wisconsin driver would do, and fukking smashed the gas with no regard for human life heading into turn 1 on lap 30 and ran straight through pole sitter AIR_RB to gain two spots at once after his Rainjob attempt cleared Geisler by a mile before finding the left side of RB. Unfortunately, RB passed away from the hard drivers side contact and struggled to hang on for a seventh place finish.
After the race, RB was surprisingly not all that upset about having just been killed by BLS_18, "Ah that shits gonna happen, it's a short track. BLS_18 is fast so it's ok. It sucks that I died, but that's short track racing for ya. The fans love that shit, look at how many people showed up to watch. We're gonna come back next week and give em hell and go for another win."
BLS_18 would blame the crash on Geisler, saying, "Geisler is so horrible that I completely misjudged how impossibly slow he was going into the corner that I overshot the turn by about 8 car lengths and cleaned RB's cock for him. I cleaned his cock real good." (Even though Geisler was hitting faster laps).
The last 10 laps were a barnburner, featuring Shock and JW battle for the lead. In the end, JW decided to let Shock win because of the great man love Shock provided him before the race. The two southern drivers had a nice long embrace in victory lane before a quick Victory Kiss for the cameras.
"It's always a good night to beat BLS_18, and even better when it's at his home track," said VLR_Shock in victory lane. "VLR_JW drove me really clean there for only the second time in DTR2 history and I owe him some great loving for that one."
One driver who had a disappointing night is offline racer AIR_BMS69, as he finished eighth. The New York driver is racing his first full VLR season this year after dropping down from the super competitive Lucas Oil/WoO offline late model series. However, the results have certainly not been up to his standards.
"It just sucks damn monkey balls that this time last year I was racing against the likes of Jimmy Owens, Scott Bloomquist, and Don O'Neal pretty much every night and leading the points, and then I come out here to this series racing against a bunch of no name pussies and am barely mustering top fives. I mean hell, I lapped Owens on several occasions last year and didn't think twice about it, and now these sunsabitches are out there beating me. Give me a few more weeks though and you'll be seeing this 69 car back where it belongs in victory lane, I'm tired of these mother f_cking amateurs. Bitches. Team AIR for life. Get it, you need AIR to stay alive? So that's why I said AIR for life, hahaha. Best team name ever, niggers."
Please join us next week as VLR travels to Knoxville Raceway in Knoxville, Iowa for what is sure to be more insanely awesome racing at the legendary half-mile for the VLR Knoxville Nationals.
