BULLS GAP, TN (12/20/11)- The best drivers in the world were in Tennessee tonight looking to defeat Shock on his own playground, where he said in driver intros “I guarantee myself a win tonight, I constructed this track, I know how it works, I know where the line is, and I’m going to bring this Gibson Guitar trophy back to Crossville and do all sorts of crazy things with it like how my very attractive teammate Wheel parties with his Aaron Rodgers fathead. Best thing for ya'll is to park your cars and watch me drive 50 my laps and win.”
Another driver spouting his mouth during prerace festivities was JFR_4h (Faschek), who was fresh off winning the 'most arrogant driver' award in DTR2. Faschek claims he has a winning car each and every night, but has the misfortune of being in the wrong place, wrong time every single freaking time he brings his watered down Coors Light 4H machine to a racing facility.
Tonight proved no different for Faschek, as he was wrecked by T92 in his heat, causing him to retire pit side for the rest of the night. Due to frustration, Faschek lit a match in his fuel tank blowing up his 4H machine for the 47th time this year.
The driver then spat towards infield reporters who were trying to get an interview with him following the heat race while yelling in typical fashion, "F*ck you, f*ck all of you! If the media didn't put so much damn pressure on me I'd win every race! I'm unstoppable, nobody can beat me fair. Why does this always happen to me, why, why, why?! Go to hell everyone!"
Twenty-two drivers participated in the qualifying session, while two others tagged a heat race meaning twenty-four cars spent at least one lap out on the 32-degree banked 4/10 mile Tennessee track. The oldest guy in Bulls Gap was McGee, who also took home the pole position with a lap of 11.50. Five drivers hit a lap of 11.52, with TRT (Total Race Time) determining the tiebreakers. In this order, it was Shock, Wheel, A2d, and holy crap, Jason once again surprises the world with a top 5 qualifying run, but yet again, Jason failed to take advantage of his high starting spot, leading to another early load up for the Low Times V6 machine.
Jason's car has been sent to tech at JFR's Las Vegas headquarters for further evaluation after another incredible qualifying effort, but it's likely he will be disqualified again because the huge wing he had mounted to the side of his late model may have provided him with an unfair advantage in qualifying, and thus a top five qualifying spot.
Next on the agenda, was heat race action. Three heats were up and only the top two would transfer to the amain. (Just clarifying this so SuperBolt won't be asking in the comments.)
Heat one qualified A2d and old man McGee directly to the amain. Heat two featured soul mates Shock and Rain transferring, and heat 3 saw Wheel pull off a win despite a tough week for him and his football team in which he owns a share of. Last weeks winner Dustin also transferred to the amain directly from heat race action.
Two bmains were in store for the Tennessee crowd. But first was the drawing for the 50/50, where fans can buy tickets and win half of a pot of money, which half goes to a lucky fan, and half goes to Team JFR, so we can keep the series running in proper fashion. Just when the night could not get any better for the McGee family, Mama Tiger took home the 50/50 pot of money worth $346. For those that don’t know, Mama Tiger is a fun-loving, caring member of the dtr2 community and is quite involved in what goes on. Mama Tiger said she was going to use the money and take her favorite driver, JFR_Jim (kind of weird it’s not McGee) out for supper at the Peddler Steak House in her town of Spartanburg, SC.
Back to the racing action, B Main no. 1 saw JFR_Jim take home the win, and 5th place starter BLS_42 race up to 2nd to take the 9th place starting position in the A main. Bmain no. 2 saw outside pole sitter Flyer run away from the field like a black guy escaping a plantation in the South in the 1850’s. Pothead Gates took 2nd in the b.
The ten driver field was now set, which was a victory in itself for the drivers making an amain at dtr2’s most prestigious league. The amain saw 4 JFR members, 3 VLR members, 2 BLS drivers and 1 WFO member.
As the drivers were getting buckled into their cars, fireworks and pyrotechnics were going off like crazy sending the 714 redneck inbreds of Bulls Gap off in a frenzy thinking the Civil War was reoccurring all over again. Many revelers in the packed house began reaching for their pistol and aimlessly firing them into the air while several drivers ran behind their 800-hp late models for protection.
Surprisingly, Sparta, MI. driver BLS_42 happened to have a pistol in his possession at the time and began firing bullets back at the jam packed grandstands. BLS_42 was yelling obscenities in the direction of the crowd and screamed "The south lost, get over it already!" while wounding many race fans in the crowd.
BLS_42 was allowed to run the feature event but was arrested after the race after taking young VLR_18 as his hostage for two hours before eventually releasing him as officers granted him his request of a bag of pork rinds.
The feature got under way with multiple 1st lap cautions due to the tight high-banked track. Once action got underway past the 1st lap, it was intense as ever in each and every turn, with side by side battles from front to back. Up front a2d and Wheel ran door to door and bumper to bumper all night, while Shock quickly gained on them making it a three dog fight for the win as the fifty lap race wound down. Deeper in the field was just as nuts, with bumping and wall scraping on the unique back and front stretch walls.
Flyer and McGee were slicing and dicing each other hardcore with Dustin, Jim, Gates, and b42 right on their tail waiting for anything to happen. Those two made contact allowing McGee to separate and chase down Rainman while everyone else raced hard for position. Dustin and Flyer engaged in battle for several laps with minor contact. Flyer separated from the back markers and marched back after McGee, now with a reversal of Flyer’s bmain, with Fly being the plantation owner trying to chase down the black guy escaping from the plantation.
Jim, Dustin, and Gates than battled it out swapping positions multiple times, but Dustin would come out on top of that battle, and Gates eventually won out over Jim with a late pass.
A2d took home the win with Wheel and Shock right on his bumper, Next was Rain, and then McGee, who was able to find the underground railway and stay safe from the pursuit of Flyer. 7th place was Dustin, than Gates, Jim, and BLS 42.
A2d did an out of this world burnout against the front stretch wall sending the Rednecks home with something to talk about for years to come. Coincidentally, the gunfire erupted again when the fans saw the smoke, since many of them assumed it was coming from Union cannons off in the distance at McDonald's.
An exuberant A2d took the JFR motto and yelled loudly in victory lane, “I’m the best in the world and you mother truckers ain’t going to stop me.” A2d also said, “Winning a JFR race is such a hard thing to do now, we got the best of the best coming out here running for glory, this was awesome holding off Wheel, who had a big sense of urgency to win to make up for his Packers loss on Sunday, and then holding off Shock, who guaranteed this win at the pit meeting. Dude, this is awesome to win, just wish I could somehow have my LA Kings feel the joys of victory every once in awhile. too.”
We we're unable to reach third place finisher VLR_Shock after the race as he jumped out of his car and began shoveling the track surface and mumbling excuses as to why he didn't win after his guarantee.
Season two points has proven to be a barn burner thus far after three races, with VLR mates of Shock and Wheel tied on top of the standings with 110 points each, A2d and Flyer are in a tie for 3rd with both being 5 points back of the lead. Jim can sniff the lead barely with a ten point deficit.
Team JFR leads team points, with BLS in 2nd, and VLR in 3rd. Next Tuesday is an off week for JFR due to Christmas and Hanukkah (For VLR_18). Action picks up again in two weeks at East Bay Raceway Park 2k12. Qualifying starts at 6:30 central with hot lap sessions prior to qualifying.